Today marks one year since the day I walked with her out to the car, we said goodbye and i was told to return.. I repeated,” I love you blue eyes.. I could stay”.  Every day for the next week communication was one ring pickup’s and “I miss you” and “I wish you were here, I need a hug”, the hug one felt like the sweetest text she ever wrote me, then lights out. Alone, total darkness. It ended so quick after an argument about over texting or even calling, I didnt realize how many there were, but there were few. After that call everything was voicemail, friends chose sides, friends with needs sought what they discreetly already had found along side strangers that entered and exited much like the fandoms which cheered with there constant social app attacks, so I closed them all, changed my name once to contact her just to know she was ok…. I was going to tell her in the middle of the conversation but it ended before I could explain, although it was a mistake I responsibly accepted the wound. Immediatly, I was drowning once again with no arrow up. I knew the answer, but then I pireced the tires on regret, I understood that not so strait line and continued with my head up, foreward pace would place my ears where heavenly father wanted me to hear best. 
Whispers at this point began to get closer and the nightfall window didnt welcome those foosteps,

whispers began to follow… they began to nerrate and point out my faults and tamper, change with my minds diagnosis

I held on… 

I’m still here….


most importantly, non regreting.

her name now carries like waves in the whispers…

they laugh but there my memories, her safety is my happiness not this unknowing moment I will have to swallow. It fills me that I no longer hunger.


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